Comments

• Fireshark Fri Feb 3 22:44:57 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  So, I’m working on that now.

• Prince O Tea Wed Feb 1 22:33:57 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  That will teach them for using oujia boards, dressing goffick and Loving the Salsa Dance.

• Pryotra Wed Feb 1 20:12:17 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  @Fireshark: I want it. I want it very, very badly. You could end with an advertisement for the Club of Evil or something.

• BettyCross Wed Feb 1 19:55:27 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  @Fireshark, please include the scene in the principal’s office where the visiting sorceresses float around the room and take off their heads.

• swenson Wed Feb 1 14:24:17 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  @Fireshark – that would be AMAZING!

• Fireshark Wed Feb 1 12:40:26 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  @LoneWolf If I get the time, I could do a mock-up tract of the death scene from Ophir in Chick’s style. Could be worth a few lulz.

• swenson Wed Feb 1 12:24:12 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  On the topic of Alpha/Beta/Delta/Gamma, I must admit to thinking about Red vs. Blue, as I so often do because it’s the greatest show evar. However, I really doubt we’d want RvB’s Alpha in charge. Even back when he was, you know, “whole”, he was still a jerk.

• LoneWolf Wed Feb 1 09:04:13 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Well, the Alana storyline at the beginning of “Ophir” is vaguely Chick-ish. That’s the only evidence of his influence I can find, though.

• Pryotra Wed Feb 1 07:31:03 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  That’s the problem with Chick, he sometimes doesn’t seem to be able to make sense of his own conspiracy theories. It’s both amusing and slightly disturbing that people believe it. I have a vague memory of an end of the world scenario that involved psycho nazi children and an alliance between the Catholic Church and the New Age priests. Never mind of course that ‘New Age’ is just a broad term that encompasses a lot of different ideas. I wonder if Glo reads his work.

• Jaggers Tue Jan 31 23:54:41 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 5: Her Physical Gifts)

  Glimmer Man is David Bowie’s evil twin. Glimmer Man, Glam Man — what’s the difference, really? Maybe Glimmer Man is not David Bowie’s evil twin, but just part of his dark side, one of his more sinister avatars.

• neysa juliet garcia Tue Jan 31 22:52:32 2012 (Introduction to the Short Story )

  i love it its the best one i had ever read. who am i kiding its the first one i have ever read in my life!!!!!!!! ;-)

• Fireshark Tue Jan 31 22:41:26 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Yeah, Jack Chick is the best (worst?). He also claimed that the Catholic Church invented Islam to lead people astray, and that the Jesuits were created as an evil secret pseudomilitary force to do… er, something. He wasn’t too clear. But I don’t know about Crassus. Let’s see what he’s like next chapter. Because whatever he is, it’ll be stupid.

• Pryotra Tue Jan 31 19:31:40 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  @Betty: Didn’t you know? We eviiiil Papists are trying to rule the world. Just ask John Chick. He’s got something about us having a computer that has every Protestant’s name on it, and when we finally take over the world with the help of atheists and college professors, we’ll kill of them. Oh, and we have all the money and have crazy parties all the time. Seriously though, I’m not surprised. It wouldn’t have been a proper Born Again Christian book with bashing the Roman Catholic Church. And then they claim to follow Christ’s teachings. Such is life. @Viking: Now that makes …

• Vikingboybilly Tue Jan 31 09:44:31 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Gloria is referring to Ninja Turtle personalities, or the four muses. Alpha – Leonardo Beta – Donatello Gamma – Michelangelo Delta – Raphael See, Gloria knows her stuff.

• Fireshark Tue Jan 31 09:35:06 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  I can only hope you are, because that would be painful to read about. And I’m not even Catholic.

• BettyCross Tue Jan 31 09:21:44 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  That “Crassus the demon apostle” thing has been bothering my brain for a while. I’m now starting to wonder if it’s a veiled reference to the pope. The Popes are the successors of St. Peter, who was an apostle, and live in Rome, Crassus being a Roman name. If the Tesches believe the Roman Church is under demonic influence, then the Pope is a Demon Apostle. I may be overthinking this.

• Prince O'Tea Mon Jan 30 21:36:13 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Wow, I thought she was only selling them for a hundred. She certainly has no leg to stand on about materialism and commercialism anymore. 380? Seriously Gloria… No. Just. No.

• BettyCross Mon Jan 30 17:20:25 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  The newsletter was a hoot. She says she spent some time in New York, Europe, and Russia trying to do some publishing deals. Obviously nothing came of all these efforts or she would have told us so.

• Kurt Mon Jan 30 10:03:49 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  I am pretty sure I’ve seen TT hawking their books at marked up prices, but I’m not exactly sure where. In the last page of this newsletter , she wants $380.00 for a “Collectors Item” of Book 1, “and we expect that the prize will go up.” In your dreams, Gloria.

• Prince O Tea Mon Jan 30 07:43:02 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  If it’s the Athenian system she’s going on about, then I wonder what she thinks about the fact that even though the Athenian system was ahead of its time in many ways, women were still barred from voting and were not even considered full citizens, if I remember correctly. I am pretty sure I’ve seen TT hawking their books at marked up prices, but I’m not exactly sure where. I may be getting confused. The fact that they insist their books should be worth hundreds of dollars did make me link them to the hundred dollar …

• flash chat Mon Jan 30 06:28:45 2012 (BFT3K, Hawkmistress!, Chapter 5: Run, Romilly, run.)

  Do you know individuals assess one or more when three main U.Ring. working people are now mistreated attempting the required to team members where their valuable health-related was always injured? This is certainly 54 trillion individuals! This really in accordance with a new Two thousand and seven Zogby Foreign investigation. dd1

• Minoan Ferret Sun Jan 29 22:22:37 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  @Pryotra: You’re right. Having studied Classics for four years, I’ve never heard of any Greek or Roman class systems that even come close to what Glo’s rambling on about there. I wonder where she learns her “history” (other than the Bible).

• BettyCross Sun Jan 29 18:19:44 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  She sold them from a display table in malls and at book fairs and such, but in those venues I doubt seriously anybody bought one for $99. Of course, all those events are in the Tampa Bay area and New Port Richey, but those can only go so far.

• Rorschach Sun Jan 29 15:01:45 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  The $99 price is probably some book reselling scam Eh, not really a scam. Laws of supply and (supposed) demand. For awhile there Amazon was the only place you could actually buy Tesch’s books, and there weren’t many copies. Probably some book seller hoping to make a sweet sale for an out of print book, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I highly doubt anyone actually bought the books at the $99 price.

• LoneWolf Sun Jan 29 11:11:45 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Gloria had read something about Huxley’s Brave New World, and then decided that Greek letters always signify something Ancient Greek.

• Pryotra Sun Jan 29 10:39:31 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  I’d doubt that anyone serious would ask that much for them, but…then again…the Team has shown themselves to be pretty weird before. (With the obviously fake reviews and such) Another thing, I took a class on Ancient History, and I’m almost certain that what Glo said about the Ancient Greeks and Romans is about as much of a cup of crap as her books are. First of all, Greece was a bunch of unconnected city states, and Athens and Sparta (who pretty much had their systems copied by everyone else) sure didn’t have that system. Athens had a system of every …

• LoneWolf Sun Jan 29 08:46:31 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  The $99 price is probably some book reselling scam, unconnected to the Team.

• prince of tea Sun Jan 29 08:18:57 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Her family does insist that the first copies are “collector’s editions” so I can’t really imagine who sets those prices that high… Unless we have a few trolls (there are a few members of Team Tesch insisting that the first editions of seven bridges will be worth hundreds of dollars one day.) Oh and Soupnazi, all of those books have now been split in half, so now all of her books are probably only half of that now. It makes her “nancy yi fan isnt a novelist since she only wrote a hundred and fifty pages but I wrote an …

• Soupnazi Sat Jan 28 22:55:37 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Keep in mind that the books are 800 pages, but are only that length because of large font size, huge margins, and poor formatting. I believe someone estimated the actual wordcounts of the books to be around 50,000-70,000 words, which is usually about 200-300 pages (and that’s being generous).

• Fireshark Sat Jan 28 20:48:46 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  @Prince Well, I doubt Gloria herself sets the prices, or even gets most of the money. I don’t think she’s greedy, so much as that she believes she deserves fame and a movie series. That has more to do with her high opinion of her own work than with materialism.

• BettyCross Sat Jan 28 20:29:22 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  “Bridges” at Amazon is only offering used books from 3rd party resellers, at prices ranging from $16 to $66. “Ophir” has only one left at $99 and several more starting at $19. How much would you pay for a new 800 page paperback book? In American money, I don’t think I’d pay more than $30-35, unless it had lots and lots of full color internal illustrations. I can’t imagine how in the world the Tesches thought they could market their daughter’s books for $99.

• Prince o' Tea Sat Jan 28 17:55:52 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Agreed with Pryotra. Remember when Glo complained that everyone who didn’t buy one of her books was clearly a braindead, illiterate videogame junkie, for a start. Though I am wondering, does Glo even know what the word “materialism” (and to a lesser extent, the word commercialism) even means? It seems to be her favorite catch-all term for everything she dislikes. If she actually means materialism, then she is a complete hypocrite, what with trying to convince people to pay hundreds of dollars for her out of print “collector’s editions”, flogging other people’s stolen artwork and the whole …

• LoneWolf Sat Jan 28 14:39:36 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Well, we don’t really know to what extent Gloria is sheltered as opposed to spoiled. She definitely seems to have at least passing familiarities with the shows she’s talking about.

• BettyCross Sat Jan 28 12:41:22 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Her parents probably don’t even have cable TV, to protect Gloria and Jonathan and Benji from corrupting influences. Very likely all her friends of her age are kids she knows from church.

• Pryotra Sat Jan 28 09:44:47 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  @Requiem- If just one of them were there, our so called heroes wouldn’t stand a chance. It would be…entertaining…to see them against Sephiroth… I doubt that Glo even knows anything about the shows she’s complaining about. It’s just they’re not reading her books, therefore they’re all slutty and corrupt and evil because they’re not interested in their books. It’s standard Sue thinking. ‘Anyone who doesn’t think I’m God is evil and must be punished’.

• Prince o' Tea Fri Jan 27 20:39:21 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  So Gloria thinks most people today are corrupt and slutty and evil, but she charges hundreds of dollars for her books, and her “virtuous heroine” coldly and calculatingly uses her appearance to manipulate a prince into doing what she wants with a detachment that would make Mata Hairi blush? Ah well, at least her the bulk of her books contradict her egotistical views. I mean she is using writing as a fast track to celebritydom the same way the people she’s decrying are using reality tv, for a start.

• LoneWolf Fri Jan 27 19:19:40 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  But the ‘People of Maradonia’ are not that happy. Remember, they were constantly rebelling against Maya and Joey? I bet Apollyon watches MTV every day.

• BettyCross Fri Jan 27 18:36:04 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Now we know why the Mards are so happy: No television!

• Requiem Fri Jan 27 17:47:51 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  A shadow lord is just a dragon to the bigger bad dark lord. But I don’t think anyone seriously who calls their empire “evil” and their membership group a club. That alone just makes me laugh no matter how badass you think you are. But then again maybe these enemies are just at the right level to be suitable to the sueness. On another note who thinks it’d be awesome if Sephiroth, Galactus, and Sauron posed a threat to Maradonia? I mean if they were here they might actually stand to outsmart, overpower, or corrupt every single thing in …

• LoneWolf Fri Jan 27 17:32:47 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Ahhahaaahahaha! I love it when Gloria goes all moralistic on us!

• Fireshark Fri Jan 27 17:14:42 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  http://gloriatesch.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/mediocre-and-corrupt-generation/ Gloria Tesch talks economics and bemoans her generation’s love of crappy entertainment. Then she basically asks the government to control everything people watch.

• Pryotra Fri Jan 27 15:03:23 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Since it means “Vulture Claw”, feel free to mock him anyway. And so I shall. Another reason to be evil. Lame name meanings. I bet no one else in the Club of Evil takes him seriously. He’s so evil he actually likes the stink of burning hair. I bet he likes that flavor you get in your mouth when you drink milk and then a glass of orange juice too.

• Prince o Tea Fri Jan 27 13:30:29 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  I hope he uses the Goldie Cape of the Princess as firewood. He’s so evil he actually likes the stink of burning hair.

• Kurt Fri Jan 27 13:19:20 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  The thought of Joe[y], keeper of the Key with its devastating powers, knocking off an entire goblet of wine with one gulp is deeply disturbing. At this moment, I’m pretty happy that he left the Key in his Super Big Backpack. Geierkralle, the shadow monarch of Tyronia, isn’t a very nice person. I wouldn’t be either if my name had three vowels in a row that way. The name is German. You pronounce it like Guyerkrahlle. Since it means “Vulture Claw”, feel free to mock him anyway.

• Pryotra Fri Jan 27 12:30:15 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  The sheer badness of how Glo writes this romance is getting funnier and funnier the longer it goes. It seems I have feelings for two different men at the same time is probably the best unintentionally hilarious line about romance this side of Twilight. Geierkralle, the shadow monarch of Tyronia, isn’t a very nice person. I wouldn’t be either if my name had three vowels in a row that way. I mean seriously, who would name their kid that. It looks like the sound that my cat makes when she’s got hairball. That guy must have been teased every day of …

• BettyCross Fri Jan 27 11:15:57 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  The thought of Joe[y], keeper of the Key with its devastating powers, knocking off an entire goblet of wine with one gulp is deeply disturbing.

• LoneWolf Fri Jan 27 08:48:57 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  I actually want Adele to steal the Key and declare herself to be the Queen of Maradonia. She might make a better job at it then Maya and Joey.

• Taku Fri Jan 27 05:30:07 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  “Someone offers Joey wine, but he turns them down because he doesn’t drink wine.” Ahem. I never drink… wine. “A steward comes up and offers Joey a chalice of wine. Joey accepts and chugs the entire thing.” Oh. Given the amount of poison in this totally different world, why is anybody chugging anything offered to them by random stewards? Especially somebody who has made public his possession of the ultimate weapon of evil stolen from Hell itself.

• WulfRitter Fri Jan 27 04:23:58 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Does this train wreck never end? Every chapter makes me think I’m going further and further down the rabbit hole of a horrible trip.

• LoneWolf Fri Jan 27 02:30:20 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Poor princess Adele, she had Joey throw pillows at her. I actually liked these chapters, especially the “hopeless love triangle” line.

• Rorschach Thu Jan 26 22:33:26 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Chapter 29 was approximately 1 1/4 pages long, and contained almost nothing but summary. Little gems like was an absolutely cruel man and It was sheer joy for him to watch other people in pain. and the rest was just summary about him being angry and then there’s a little bit talking about what they use for firewood. I think my summary did the chapter justice.

• swenson Thu Jan 26 22:20:01 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Plouton and the Demon Apostle Crassus show up in the next chapter. Yessssssss! “Right fishy? Our Maya is a survivor, she is always coming back!” Oh my word, I love this line. I love it so much. SO MUCH. It went in my file of awesome Maradonia quotes, which I realized I haven’t been keeping up with much lately. Geierkralle, the shadow monarch of Tyronia, isn’t a very nice person. Excellent summary. I applaud you for the hard work you put into this.

• VikingBoyBilly Thu Jan 26 22:09:29 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Geierkralle, the shadow monarch of Tyronia, isn’t a very nice person. How many pages was in that chapter? I could feel your pain trying to sum up whatever was going on there, and decided to cop-out with a one-sentance summary. Someone offers Joey wine, but he turns them down because he doesn’t drink wine. A steward comes up and offers Joey a chalice of wine. Joey accepts and chugs the entire thing. nice consistency, gloria.

• Rorschach Thu Jan 26 21:27:25 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  If it makes you feel any better, Plouton and the Demon Apostle Crassus show up in the next chapter.

• Requiem Thu Jan 26 21:14:32 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Meh not a very exciting number of chapters. When are we going to see these dinophant’s? When are they going to get their armies and head to war? When are we going to see this other key of the underworld? I really shouldn’t be this giddy, but these chapters don’t do much for a reader looking for action, exposition, or character development.

• BettyCross Thu Jan 26 20:39:46 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 8: "Rain or Shine, Fishing is Fine!")

  Maya loves to manipulate men’s feelings, like with the magical shell. This should be a warning to any teen boy in the Tampa Bay area who wants to date Gloria.

• Asahel Thu Jan 26 15:03:33 2012 (A Critique of Pure Inheritance)

  oooo… you didn’t trademark that. The ninja lawyers will be after you soon… I would’ve, but I don’t know how to do the trademark thing in this format. After explaining that to the ninja lawyers (and inflicting a few casualties), they decided to let me off this time. 1) Isn’t that like… prepping the equivalent of a nuke? To kill one guy? I’m starting to actually prefer Galbatorix to Eragon. Yes. It’s supposed to be like some kind of heroic BSOD, but it fails since we’re only told that he’s ready to snap and overpower kill the guy instead of being shown anything. 2) …

• star plus Thu Jan 26 13:56:12 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  this is nice serial i like it

• Arska Wed Jan 25 23:17:29 2012 (A Critique of Pure Inheritance)

  Read farther into Inheritance. I WANT Galbatorix to win. His chapters are actually becoming the highlights.

• Fat Bardster Wed Jan 25 14:40:31 2012 (Everything Wrong With Eragon)

  Eragon & CP probably share a bit personal development. Issues with unavailable parents who rarely offer approval while dumping barge loads of criticism. Obsession with the female mysteries of eggs and power over young and mates, and ‘hatchlings’ and ‘younglings’. The male father figures with deeply flawed characters and sketchy background and their frequently failing efforts to ‘win’ by dominating and overpowering the enemy. If they did succeed, it was amazing luck helping a very risky, longshot and fairly impulsive act rooted in anger and desperation. The men focused on conducting mature, carefully prepared campaigns are somehow the crazy …

• Nate Winchester Wed Jan 25 09:51:32 2012 (A Critique of Pure Inheritance)

  We start the first chapter in medias res, as Eragon and the Varden are hours into the fight to take Belatona. I can’t help it, “Belatona” sounds to me like the name of a sweedish model or something. Which makes a lot of segments here extra humorous. This gives Eragon The Rage oooo… you didn’t trademark that. The ninja lawyers will be after you soon… and he starts to call upon all available energy—himself, the sapphire in his sword’s pommel, the 12 diamonds in his belt, and the tremendous store in the ring Aren—in order to kill the rider. Correct me if …

• BettyCross Tue Jan 24 15:25:05 2012 (Robert Pattinson: Too Smart for Twilight)

  One of the things we often forget is that in film making, a director can order a scene to be shot several different ways, with the actors playing a character in a different way each time. Each of these versions is called a “take.” The director then picks which one to use when making his cut. This sometimes causes great consternation to the actors, who seldom know which one the director picked until they see the finished movie. “OMG, I can’t believe he picked that take. That was my worst scene in the whole movie.” To make a long story short, Pattinson …

• alvin Tue Jan 24 13:34:16 2012 (Character Interactions: Interactions Between Friends)

  Suppose you have a group environment of more than 4 people e.g friends, thugs or residents. How do actually write each characters in the dialogue or narrative e.g “…..” said the first friend “……” said the fifth friend “……” said the tenth friend The first friend stopped in his tracks. The fifth friend bolted at the attack. The tenth friend cowered. etc etc Please advise.

• BettyCross Sun Jan 22 11:58:52 2012 (Robert Pattinson: Too Smart for Twilight)

  My fave comment about Pattinson is this: I know Robert Pattinson can act. I’ve seen him do it. He just never does it when Kristen Stewart is around. This isn’t original with me. I forget who said it first. I also saw RP in “Water for Elephants.” His American accent was so good I didn’t connect him with any HP character at all. I didn’t find out he was English till later.

• Llama Sun Jan 22 09:31:00 2012 (Robert Pattinson: Too Smart for Twilight)

  Well, he’s awesome alright. And maybe, he’s bad acting is the result of his dislike for the role… and the story. Personally, i also think Twilight franchise is the worst thing that came out. I mean, who would say openly those cheesy dialogues [Bella & Edward] they say to each other in real life. For me, I think the twilight story is like a story that was made by a ‘high’ person. xD But, Pattinson’s words are cool. Though, Not sure if he really hates it… or just trying to get more fans/viewers. Since, I think it’s a bit effective if that’s the …

• Talisman Sat Jan 21 18:06:50 2012 (A Critique of Pure Inheritance)

  This gives Eragon The Rage, Is that a Bahzell Bahnakson reference? If it is, I love you.

• BlackStar Sat Jan 21 17:58:02 2012 (A Critique of Pure Inheritance)

  Nothing particularly interesting happens in this chapter (get used to me saying that). There are a lot of filler chapters in Inheritance. It’s just another sign of Paolini’s lack of improvement as a writer, in my opinion anyway. Did he even have an editor for Inheritance? Anyway, I quite enjoyed this critique. :D

• Golgi Apparatus Sat Jan 21 14:11:58 2012 (Maradonia Sporkings: Part Thirty-One)

  I really enjoyed reading this; well done, Rorschach.

• Eragon11 Fri Jan 20 20:40:53 2012 (Eragon & Eldest: A Star Wars Plot Recap)

  It’s not a rip-off, but contains elements of Star Wars. It also has stuff From LOTR and Narnia

• Steph (what is left) Thu Jan 19 21:04:46 2012 (First Contact - Episode 1 of An Impish Cast)

  Kitty, I had no idea you were even still around! Wow Steph really sounds Australian. You think? Man, I have to do my impression of the lady at the butcher’s shop some time. You have never heard such a drawl.

• Prince O' Tea Thu Jan 19 08:49:12 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  So the Law of Blood is basically the Deep Magic from Narnia? But on the other hand, SOPA could probably get Team Tesch off the net for stealing other people’s artwork and putting it on flyers, or even selling it as their own.

• Fireshark Thu Jan 19 01:53:02 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Under SOPA, could the Tesches get us off the web for reposting parts of the Maradonia stuff? ‘Cause you know they would.

• BlackStar Wed Jan 18 23:31:50 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Go die, SOPA and PIPA.

• Steph (what is left) Wed Jan 18 20:10:12 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  ^^win.

• SlyShy Wed Jan 18 18:59:05 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  The site is undergoing some maintenance… to protest SOPA.

• Requiem Wed Jan 18 18:40:50 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  So the law of blood makes everyone jesus? Hartigan from sin city? or 300 spartans?

• BettyCross Wed Jan 18 17:42:52 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  The format of the site has changed, bu I can still see the articles and the comments.

• Kurt Wed Jan 18 17:20:14 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  What is this “Law of Blood” mentioned in the book title? Did I miss it? “Apollyon explains that the law of blood is that someone has to die so someone else can live.” – from Part 1 of the sporkings. Also, the articles on this site have vanished for me. I can only see the comments. Does anyone else have the same problem?

• BettyCross Wed Jan 18 14:41:25 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Hey, I just thought of something. What is this “Law of Blood” mentioned in the book title? Did I miss it?

• BettyCross Wed Jan 18 11:03:37 2012 (The Eye of Argon)

  When I wrote “convention owner” I meant “convention goer.” Sorry.

• BettyCross Wed Jan 18 09:35:17 2012 (The Eye of Argon)

  About the lack of an ending: Eye of Argon was published in a mimeographed fanzine and was the last article in the issue, which was stapled together. In the copy that survived for and made its rounds for decades, the last page was torn off. In the past decade, somebody found another copy of the fanzine in the collection of famous fan Forrest J. Ackermann. The last page was intact. It describes Grignr slaying the beast and riding off in triumph as the Norgolians cheer. Now you know the rest of the story.

• BettyCross Wed Jan 18 09:31:22 2012 (The Eye of Argon)

  At sci-fi conventions I picked up some info about Jim Theiss (rhymes with “ice”). He was 15 when he wrote it. As an adult he became a journalist, and still came to cons. He died in the 1990s sometime. Despite continued attendance at cons, nobody connected Jim Theiss the convention owner with Jim Theiss of Eye of Argon.

• HKUriah Tue Jan 17 15:33:52 2012 (The Eye of Argon)

  You know, in spite of all the, justified, criticism of this story, it actually does have a storyline that can be followed, and a semblance of characterization. What, no review of the ending?

• Fell Blade Tue Jan 17 09:54:01 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Sam, Frodo, and Gollum are the characters that got the most development, in my opinion. Those were the few characters where you did get to see their thoughts and feelings, either through Tolkien’s words or through their actions/reactions. Characters like Legolas, Gimli, Eomer, etc. were not developed in the same way and we didn’t get to see into their thoughts and feelings as well, but they did go through development (contrast Gimli and Legolas’s relationship and attitude towards each other’s race in Fellowship to their attitudes in Two Towers).

• Kell Tue Jan 17 02:56:52 2012 (Everything Wrong With Eragon)

  Could you have written a better book in your teenage years, sweetheart? As for how you implied that Eragon was fickle, I think it makes sense. Eragon started the series as a 15-year-old who’s childhood seemed uneventful, you can’t expect him to be thrown into life-threatening adventures not be confused. You say that people should have given up after the first sentence, whereas I see obvious proof that you, yourself, didn’t. In a way, you’re calling yourself an idiot.

• BlackStar Mon Jan 16 20:39:35 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  I agree with Fell Blade. Tolkien put a lot of thought into his characters and while we don’t get to know all their inner thoughts and feelings, their actions and words speak volumes.

• Fell Blade Mon Jan 16 11:16:08 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  I would respectfully disagree. I have been rereading this series recently and absolutely love the characters and how Tolkien develops them.

• Golgi Apparatus Sat Jan 14 18:08:26 2012 (Maradonia Sporkings: Part Seven)

  “[I]f a person does not know what direction he has to go, any wind is the right wind for him.” -Gloria Tesch “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” -George Harrison

• Golgi Apparatus Sat Jan 14 18:04:41 2012 (Maradonia Sporkings: Part Six)

  “We see things mostly not as they really are, we see the things as we are or as we want to see them” is a bastardization of the Anaïs Nin quote “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” So add intellectual theft to the list of Tesch’s sins.

• Prince O' Tea Sat Jan 14 14:19:36 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Well to be fair, LOTR was amazing in its depth of worldbuilding, but Tolkein really wasn’t very good at characterisation. While i can appreciate the many contributions he made to fantasy, as well as the sheer size of his fictional universe, I just can’t find myself liking any of his many many characters.

• Pryotra Sat Jan 14 11:34:46 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  It’s funny how it seems like the first fantasy novel seems to manage to avoid all the cliches that others fall into with their protagonists. I guess that’s why it’s still the best. Even Sauron didn’t seem to fall into the cliche of the Evil Overlord being stupid the way that so many seem to.

• Vikingboybilly Sat Jan 14 09:45:17 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Eragon cries when it’s necessary to kill animals for energy. He shows no reaction to brutally slaughtering unarmed humans begging for mercy without hesitation. He has a very grey morality =)

• Requiem Sat Jan 14 01:38:32 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Actually Gandalf fits that position perfectly He spares quite a lot of villains as did Frodo, problem is when they spared them it caused problems for them in the long run. But i’d mostly blame that on the villains not trying to redeem themselves after a multitude of chances. and of course they had to kill numerous things if they were to destroy the ring of power, because fighting a power dark warlord usually gives you no choice.

• swenson Fri Jan 13 23:23:29 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Oh, gracious no, at least not in my opinion. Deadpool kills people for the fun of it. I love Deadpool with at least a small portion of all of my heart, but I would never call him much of a hero. He does stuff for pay and because it’s at least mildly entertaining, regardless of morality. I think a more middle type character would be a typical fantasy hero (a proper one, I mean, not like Eragon or Joey or what’s-her-face from Hawkmistress!). Aragorn, for example. Very ready to kill when necessary, but merciful at the same time. I don’t know …

• Requiem Fri Jan 13 21:25:15 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Would deadpool count as an in middle type of hero? He does morally wrong and right things all the time, he does things for pay or if he feels like it. He only gets away with it because he’s out of his mind though. If you want grey shades you’ll need various views, character development, and back story. To get the audiences sympathy the character might need some believable tragedy and a bit of angst, but still do the right thing and not act self-righteous or bitchy. But most importantly they need a good set of pros …

• Fireshark Fri Jan 13 20:57:04 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  I think some authors like giving their heroes ethical dilemmas where the only way out is to do something morally wrong. The problem is when the reader spots an alternative. Of course, in Teschland, if you’re bad, you deserve to die. No shades of gray.

• Ridureyu Fri Jan 13 20:11:39 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  It’s surprisingly hard to find heroes who choose not to kill when the opportunity is there, but will kill when there’s really no other option, or when not-killing will ultimately cause more harm. It’s like we have two extremes: “Batman can’t kill the Joker even though Joker’s gonna machine gun a bus of orphans tomorrow” and “The Punisher shot another jaywalker, and then shot three cops for not shooting the jaywalker first.” It’s so hard to find somebody in the middle.

• LoneWolf Fri Jan 13 16:55:40 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Perhaps G. G. Tesch, too, subscribes to the “Behind every successful person there’s a pack of haters!” philosophy.

• Fireshark Fri Jan 13 14:45:28 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Gloria’s certainly not responsible for what her father does. However, I’d expect an intelligent girl of her age to question where the family’s money came from. After all, they publish her books and promised her a movie (and that theme park). Then again, we know Gloria isn’t that intelligent (at least, from what we’ve seen of her). I think she’s happy enough with what she has that she doesn’t question it.

• Prince O' Tea Fri Jan 13 12:22:29 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Well to be fair, it’s not Glo’s fault what her parents do. Personally though, as soon as someone starts preaching about “decency” and “morality” and “virtue” and wotnot, I just start wandering how long it will be until it turns out they’ve been cheating on their wives with prostitutes or have been stealing from a local charity.

• Pryotra Fri Jan 13 09:41:53 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Well, I guess we now know where the Tesches funds are coming from. It also makes Glo’s constant preaching even more repulsive than usual. Also, Glo, if you’re going to take from other religions, at least do it properly. You’ve already constructed a monotheistic religion that, while stupid, is at least something. Your constant reference to random gods comes out of nowhere. Usually, polytheists have gods for different things, so the the gods don’t ‘call out to you’ in one big voice. It’s usually the god of death. Let’s call him Hades since we’re stealing from the Iliad. Next, The Cleaner …

• The Armada Fri Jan 13 09:19:47 2012 (On Raptors)

  Thanks.

• BettyCross Fri Jan 13 08:21:08 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Sometimes I think her brother Jonathan knows the books are awful and resents the family’s attention on his sister.

• LoneWolf Fri Jan 13 04:15:19 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  The Tesches are certainly an… unusual family, so to speak.

• falconempress Fri Jan 13 03:08:36 2012 (On Raptors)

  @The Armada – depends on what kind of eagle it is. Eagles like the Golden or the Verreaux (also known as the Black Eagle) prefer mountainous environments for living in and nesting in. In the Alps, they are known to hunt mountain goats. Since they are smart critters, they know that if they tried to chase a mountain goat down, there is no way they would go home with a full stomach. The goat is too agile, too nimble for their huge, bulky mass supported by great, broad, not very fast wings. So they dont bother with this chasing and …

• Kurt Thu Jan 12 18:44:36 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Günter/Gerry Tesch was also involved with charities. I’ve found an article in the German newspaper Der Spiegel from 1986, where he is accused of charity fraud: Mit derselben Methode macht auch der Hamburger “Internationale Missions-Hilfsdienst” Millionen-Umsätze. Dessen Leiter, Günter Tesch, ist “trotz vieler Gerichtsverfahren und Ermittlungen, trotz Verurteilung wegen Betrugs”, wie sich Müller-Werthmann wundert, “nach wie vor als Sammler auf dem Markt”. In my (poor) translation, with notes in brackets: The “International Mission Help Service” of Hamburg also makes millions in revenue with the same method. [ “a mixture of pity and religious sentimentality”, and buying adresses of high-spending patrons from other shady …

• LoneWolf Thu Jan 12 17:55:23 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  That explains the Amazing and shocking spirituality and The Virtue of the ‘Maradonia-Saga’. Gloria Tesch, author of the Maradonia Saga, comes from a family where Christian Virtues are promoted and respected.

• BettyCross Thu Jan 12 12:02:34 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  @Kurt, that checks with my findings. I found several corporations Gerhard Tesch was involved in. One was called Evangelistic Team. The publisher of Sun over Maramon is Evangelistic Team Hamburg. Apparently he tried to get in on the specialty coffee craze trend too, because one of his businesses was called American Coffee Carts. I have no proof that any of these businesses are functioning now, only that incorporation papers are on file. BTW, I know the Tesch’s home address. The address of some of Gerry’s corporations is in Palm Harbor FL. The name of the street sounded like suburbia to me, so I …

• The Armada Thu Jan 12 11:55:45 2012 (On Raptors)

  I got an uncomfortable feeling from that passage, but due to lack of knowledge on birds I couldn’t place it. Thank you for the information. Quick question: How would an eagle behave in a mountainous environment with scarce, but juicy prey?

• Prince O' Tea Thu Jan 12 11:28:27 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  “But what about poison?” Someone had to say it. Just hope Maya dosn’t start dragging Koffing and Muk into her awful poison saga.

• Prince O' Tea Thu Jan 12 11:27:18 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  So that’s what he does? I’m not surprised the movie folded that quickly. Hope he enjoyed throwing his life savings down a bottomless pit.

• Kurt Thu Jan 12 09:54:52 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  I think I’ve discovered how Gloria’s father earned his money. Left: G. Gerry Tesch, Gloria’s father, photographed during the filming and the launch party of the Maradonia movie. Right: Günter Tesch, author of Christian books and singer of German gospel songs in the 1970’s. Further proof: Günter Tesch published an English book One Minute with God in 1986. The publishing company was Minute Ministry International located in San Diego, where Gloria is born. Günter Tesch also wrote a book Sonne über Maramon ( The Sun over Maramon ) – Maramon is the town from which the first part of the …

• BettyCross Thu Jan 12 07:58:30 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  But seriously all they need is a colorless odorless poisonous gas It’s a contest to see who’s stupider — Maya / Joe[y] or the Club of Evil.

• Requiem Wed Jan 11 21:15:57 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  I’d lol if the two big bads decided to surround their castle with poison have an army wielding poison swords and drenched in poison, with poison catapults that launched poison projectiles. But seriously all they need is a colorless odorless poisonous gas

• Fireshark Wed Jan 11 20:39:00 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Seriously, I’ve been reading through all the older sporks again, and I’m amazed at just how much poison there is in the series.

• BettyCross Wed Jan 11 18:47:23 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  At this point the two of them could simply walk up to the club of evil and wipe them out in the first chapter and go back to the real reality/dimension/time plane/world. They’ve had those powers since before the end of “Bridges” (pre-split). There’s no excuse for the rest of the series. That’s how little tension there is in this story. Hence, the repeated poisoning plots.

• meaninglessprose Wed Jan 11 17:39:36 2012 (On Raptors)

  Such a good article. A lot of people hate Mercedes Lackey’s works, but I think she handles it pretty well and shows she cares about her subject, something Paolini seems to lack.

• Erin Wed Jan 11 17:36:07 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Weird. Whenever I heard of someone being “successful with women”, I thought it mean being good at getting dates and/or sex, not shrinking women and putting them in a lantern. Thanks for setting that straight for me, Gloria! Also, I hope Joey accidentally shoots himself and Maya with “Defender” and then these books can be about Apollyon’s Club Of Evil.

• Requiem Wed Jan 11 17:32:05 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  One question, if the two sues with all the deus ex machinas who cannot only be invisible but are also invulnerable…why don’t they just kill the two big bads and their million man army? They don’t need allies except maybe to guide them, Maya didn’t even need that training nor her psychic abilities. At this point the two of them could simply walk up to the club of evil and wipe them out in the first chapter and go back to the real reality/dimension/time plane/world. That’s how little tension there is in this story.

• BettyCross Wed Jan 11 17:28:18 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Seriously, I really want Joey to die horribly. Like his penis explodes or something and he bleeds to death. For Apollyon, the long-awaited moment had arrived. With great enjoyment, he commanded, “Release the kraken!” “What’s a kraken?” Joey wondered. “I sure miss my Key.”

• Prince O' Tea Wed Jan 11 17:09:35 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  I have to admit, nothing gets my engine going like a scrawny pubescent sociopath who goes through women like tissues, is absolutely in love with the sound of his own voice and constantly drops ice cream koans and murders people for shits and giggles. Seriously, I really want Joey to die horribly. Like his penis explodes or something and he bleeds to death.

• LoneWolf Wed Jan 11 16:28:05 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Joey is very ‘Attractive and Clever’. He can’t help it if all females and women like him very much!

• Prince O' Tea Wed Jan 11 16:10:27 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Right, so if Joey is gleefully using Defender to murder unarmed prisoners who are begging for their lives, then…. Why the fuck was he bitching and wangsting in the first few chapters about using Defender… when he was actually was using it for heroism in battle? But using it to execute prisoners who are begging for mercy… well no Angry Gruffs there! I take it all back about Joey mellowing out and Maya becoming the sociopath, they are both psychopaths. I guess Defender being the One Ring was something Gloria liked and retconned for …

• Fell Blade Wed Jan 11 12:36:59 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  But he wasn’t talking to the Karthaginians in one of those. He was talking to the Cleaner (oh gosh, I can’t say that and take it seriously), who was an emissary from Apollyon’s son. I can understand maybe trying to be culturally sensitive in the second statement (although coming from Joey, that is laughable), but not so much when taunting the Cleaner. “Oh no… You did it again!” “Oh yes, I did it again and we have a huge hole in the city wall at the ocean.” (page 203) Smug little prick. How are the readers supposed to feel when the main …

• gervasium Wed Jan 11 12:22:28 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Kurt, she probably did, considering how Joey speaks of “Karthaginian gods” in the plural without there ever being an explanation to him or to us about their religion (or I might have missed it, since I’m not reading this… thing.

• autumnfey Wed Jan 11 12:21:53 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Regarding the whole “killing antagonists who beg for mercy” – I think what bothers me about it when I see it in books like this is that the heroes are supposed to be the most good and pure people ever. So when they brutally kill someone begging for mercy, there’s a huge disconnect. I think having a harsher, more complex character do the same would make more sense, but of course these sort of authors can’t bear to write complex morality. I mean, I get tired of heroes being dumb and leaving antagonists alive and having that come back …

• Vikingboybilly Wed Jan 11 12:16:33 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Gloria, just stick to plagiarizing the Bible. Don’t go ruining any more religions for us.

• Kurt Wed Jan 11 11:21:14 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Why is sandalwood the name of a graveyard (or city of the dead or whatever)? Googling shows that in the Hindu religion, sandalwood symbolizes earth and is burned during death ceremonies. Maybe Gloria based the Karthagian Gods on Hindu deities.

• Kurt Wed Jan 11 11:01:53 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  So instead you write a “strong” protagonist who doesn’t like killing but does it anyway (and doesn’t talk too much about the not-wanting-to-kill part until it’s relevant to the plot). And if you’re a good author, you’ll make the antagonists so unlikable and evil that the reader still wants to sympathize with the protagonist. …the people that Joey saw in the Lake of Fire in the Underworld who were standing in cooking oil. Um…you have no idea whether it was cooking oil or regular oil or oil at all. You couldn’t get that close. Let’s whip out Book 1 and see …

• Asahel Wed Jan 11 10:45:40 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  While it’s interesting that Rohan does indeed mean sandalwood in a real language, it’s still puzzling. Why is sandalwood the scariest place? Why is sandalwood the name of a graveyard (or city of the dead or whatever)? I mean, retirement home, I could see, but graveyard? I suppose next we’ll be headed towards the most feared, most powerful fortress of Darkness, Shady Pines.

• gervasium Wed Jan 11 10:16:28 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  However, a quick google search will show us that Rohan is actually hindu for sandalwood, so it’s more likely that Tesch was just taking names from random languages again.

• BettyCross Wed Jan 11 09:00:57 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  I really think that Tesch can’t remember what her fantasy world is supposed to be like from one day to the next. Maybe the Karthaginians are pagans and Joe[y] is just trying to be diplomatic and show respect for their culture. If so, Gloria could have clarified that for us in one sentence.

• Fell Blade Wed Jan 11 08:50:13 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  I could be wrong, but I think it is a reaction against stories with protagonists who refuse to kill the bad guys even when it has been demonstrated that it is inherently dangerous to let them live. So instead you write a “strong” protagonist who doesn’t like killing but does it anyway (and doesn’t talk too much about the not-wanting-to-kill part until it’s relevant to the plot). “Your time is up! The Karthaginian gods are calling you!” King Joey pushed the button and the Cleaner was no more (page 201). “This is Defender, a supernatural weapon, given to me by the grace …

• Requiem Wed Jan 11 07:17:27 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  That’s what happens when you have no grey in a pure black and white system along with zealous heroes with no chivalry towards unarmed enemies.

• Fireshark Wed Jan 11 01:24:59 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  One thing I never understand about certain authors is how they can make their heroes do such awful things. I mean, killing soldiers is one thing. But killing defenseless people, when they have plenty of other choices? I mean, really. I know we often like to speak for Tesch as a joke. I’ll do it here: “Maya and Joey are righteous judges of character. They have much wisdom and their judgements are ‘True and Honest.’ The ‘senators’ were Evil and Mean people, and they deserved to be shrunk or killed without trial or confession. I know this because I wrote the ‘book.’ …

• BettyCross Tue Jan 10 21:37:25 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  God, Joe[y] is a moron. I predict the Evil Empire wins this one by two touchdowns.

• Requiem Tue Jan 10 21:36:24 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  One does not simply walk into Terra Mili! Also I gotta say stealing Rohan has got to be one of the most underhanded things you could do. For shame Glo, for shame. I have to admit I laughed at Joey for being so stupid here, destroying a defensive wall, killing people who could’ve helped your cause had they confessed, and then telling a child that likes to gossip about your deus ex machina. I guess joey is the literal trope “ good job breaking it hero” and “ idiot ball” and he has it in spades. Finally the cleaner isn’t such …

• BlueMask Tue Jan 10 21:14:09 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  Ooh, thanks for linking to your website. I haven’t lurked there for a while. Good spork.

• Emma Tue Jan 10 20:57:39 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 7: The Decoy Graveyard)

  This chapter was so stupid (the decoy graveyard, the shrinking powder) it actually turned a little entertaining

• Requiem Tue Jan 10 14:53:01 2012 (On Raptors)

  I think it’d be more accurate to get your information on dragons from D&D, they have a whole book dedicated to dragon anatomy called the Draconomicon. It covers a great number of dragon aspects that fantasy writers may think of using if they want it to seem a bit more realistic.

• Deborah Tue Jan 10 14:18:37 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  ‘Kissy Kissy Time’, sounds like something a six year old would say. Maybe we need a new album . . .

• falconempress Tue Jan 10 11:35:53 2012 (On Raptors)

  Okay, you guys are seriously making me blush now. Thanks for everything :) @swenson – yay! Birds of prey are way cool. I am very happy you got interested in them more through these. At least I did something right :D This not only applies to you but to anyone who is interested – if you want to write raptors and have a question or three, feel freee to write me anytime. I am a humble student still, but I will do my best to help with what I can :) @Fireshark – heh your mom sounds cool. Funny thing about Indiana …

• Zokoke Tue Jan 10 02:19:44 2012 (On Raptors)

  I’m sorry, but I laughed in the falcon section when you were talking about how falcon’s kick their prey. I know that’s what they do, but I play a lot of Nintendo games and I keep thinking of Captain Falcon, and I just hear him shouting Falcon Kick. Still, great article! I see you really have a passion for raptors. I know I have read a lot things that have made me cringe. I am a recent Social Work graduate/soon to be grad student, with a focus in sociology. As you can imagine, my cringe worthy moments in Inheritance usually revolve around …

• Pryotra Mon Jan 9 21:35:07 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Too bad the Goldie Cape doesn’t have any lines. It might have something more interesting to say than Krimmy has so far. @Fell Blade: Yeah, I’d say that’s more of the problem than anything else. If you think about it, that’s one of the big reasons that kids don’t usually get published. They can’t really get into people’s heads. It’s not easy to manipulate characters to do a certain thing and stay in their characterization at the same time.

• Prince o' Tea Mon Jan 9 20:45:40 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  It’s all right. It’s just not as amusing when referred to as “Golden” and not “Goldie”. I almost consider it a seperate character from her now, the way I consider Bree and her forehead on Desperate Housewives to be two different characters that simply turn up together.

• Kurt Mon Jan 9 17:26:17 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Ah, I’m terribly sorry that I insulted Krimmy’s hair by calling it the wrong name. Maybe Gloria was thinking about Goldilocks when she invented that name? @Fell Blade: I agree. Gloria’s writing is quite immature.

• Prince o' Tea Mon Jan 9 14:25:24 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Kurt: It is not Golden Cape. But Goldie Cape and Goldie Tentacles. As in: “The Goldie Tentacles of the Octopus Princess.” Let’s not give Glo too much credit here…

• BettyCross Mon Jan 9 10:32:00 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  @Fell Blade, I agree with you. I had that same problem when I was her age. I threw away my first novel when I was 18 precisely because I realized how ridiculous my characters were acting and talking.

• Fell Blade Mon Jan 9 10:26:44 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  I don’t know if it’s that she’s sheltered so much as that she is just so young. She’s not really mature enough to understand how people think and act and respond. She hasn’t reached the point of understanding human interactions and development, and so she doesn’t have the ability to write about it with any degree of plausibility or believability. That’s one of the main things that I struggle with in my writing. A lot of times I know where I want a scene to go, but I struggle with getting into the characters’ heads and figuring out how they …

• Kurt Mon Jan 9 05:57:09 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  @Pryotra: Davy Jones should buy Princess Krimmy from Geierky. Her Golden Cape would turn to life as Golden Tentacles after 100 years aboard his ship. …she isn’t treating the love interests as three-dimensional characters. That’s because Maradonia lies in the Forth Dimension. And if you know telepathy, you’re five-dimensional. In seriousness, I don’t think Gloria is capable of writing fleshed out characters. She even struggles with making her one-dimensional characters act believable. I guess she has led a very sheltered life – she doesn’t know much about how real humans act.

• Oculus_Reparo Mon Jan 9 01:28:15 2012 (On Raptors)

  My favorite picture was of the white gyrfalcon. How beautiful!

• BettyCross Sun Jan 8 20:46:37 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Stories about relationships, especially where sex is involved, are a major reason you’re taught in Creative Writing courses to “write about what you know.”

• Fireshark Sun Jan 8 20:30:00 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  I think we can infer Gloria has been on some dates and been kissed a few times, but not more than that. There’s also the chance, however, of self-censorship. If Gloria let some guy get to 3rd base, for example, she probably wouldn’t put it in the books because her parents are reading this stuff too and might suspect something. Soon, the air sparkled around Maya and Rasmos… In all seriousness though, that sounds about right. I don’t think she’s really been in a close relationship with a boy IRL, because she isn’t treating the love interests as three-dimensional characters. That or… (drumroll …

• Kitty Sun Jan 8 20:16:11 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  I keep reading the titles of these as “Law of Blood Spork” like that’s the name of the book. The story would probably be better if it featured more sporks of the utensilline variety.

• BettyCross Sun Jan 8 11:11:39 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  I think she was trying to say, “a long, bushy, red beard.” Gloria seldom picks the right word. A lot of these problems could be fixed with a revision, but we know she never revises.

• Pryotra Sun Jan 8 10:04:13 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  I wonder what a usual beard looks like in Maradonia. I bet they look like Davy Jones’ beard in Pirates of the Caribbean

• Kurt Sun Jan 8 08:54:01 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  …Aurek and his unusual bearded uncle… The unusual beard is actually described in the book: Florie hated Brody with all of her heart because Brody was old, ugly and a very heavy man with a long, hairy, reddish beard but she pretended to have a great affection for him. (Seven Bridges, p.611 ) Somehow, a “hairy” beard is unusual. I wonder what a usual beard looks like in Maradonia.

• BettyCross Sat Jan 7 23:18:47 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  I have to wonder: Has she had a boyfriend? The stuff she writes just sounds like wish fulfillment to me, but it could just be cliche fantasy romance or bad writing. Do you guys think her experience (or lack thereof) affects her writing much? Every work of fiction in some way reflects the life experiences, education, interests, beliefs, etc. of the author. I think we can infer Gloria has been on some dates and been kissed a few times, but not more than that. There’s also the chance, however, of self-censorship. If Gloria let some guy get to 3rd base, for example, …

• Prince o' Tea Sat Jan 7 21:19:37 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Ceara, the Lovely Dragon and Most Beautiful Black Person in the Evil Empire. Agreed, I got pretty uncomfortable reading about Aurek and his unusual bearded uncle, and their creepy incestuous relationship. “I’m gonna kiss your cheek!” “Go ahead, you naughty boy.” “Looks like we have an Apollyon in Leather Pants thing going on here.” For me it’s an Alanna in Leather Pants thing. After all wearing Black Leather means you are a member of the Goffick Movement, and therefore, Evil. And that you love the Salsa Dance.

• Fireshark Sat Jan 7 21:16:49 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  http://shurtugal.com/2012/01/02/christopher-officially-announces-his-next-project-a-sci-fi-short-story-lead-in-to-his-planned-full-length-scifi-novel/ Paolini’s starting to look awfully good after this… Anyway, since Tesch is starting to add more romantic subplots, I have to wonder: Has she had a boyfriend? The stuff she writes just sounds like wish fulfillment to me, but it could just be cliche fantasy romance or bad writing. Do you guys think her experience (or lack thereof) affects her writing much?

• Requiem Sat Jan 7 20:58:42 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Hmmm not sure if there are gay’s in maradonia, but hey there is the most beautiful black person whose name escapes me.

• Pryotra Sat Jan 7 19:09:55 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  @Kurt: He’s even easier to stick in the Pants than Galby was in the first Eragon book.

• LoneWolf Sat Jan 7 18:18:24 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Well, Aurek turned out to be a traitor, and Brody is dead :(

• Kurt Sat Jan 7 17:36:05 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  There are no gays in the Mardiverse except on the Evil Empire side. There was that odd vibe between General Brody and his nephew Aurek in Seven Bridges. Besides, are there any confirmed Evil gays in the books? I know Prince o’Tea suggested that the spirits represent homosexuals because they “can’t reproduce”. Maybe Gloria just figured that they couldn’t reproduce because they have no physical bodies. Team Apollyon. And they can end the series with a rousing chorus of the Mother Earth Song at the Club of Evil headquarters before going out to feed their pet unicorns. Looks like we have an Apollyon …

• Pryotra Sat Jan 7 17:01:30 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Team Apollyon. And they can end the series with a rousing chorus of the Mother Earth Song at the Club of Evil headquarters before going out to feed their pet unicorns. Besides. Apollyon might just make Maya less sociopathic. HE WOULD BE GOOD FOR HER!

• BettyCross Sat Jan 7 16:55:44 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Henry and Ramos should ditch the annoying Sue and do the Salsa Dance with each other. There are no gays in the Mardiverse except on the Evil Empire side.

• Kurt Sat Jan 7 16:49:00 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Maya and Joey should date each other. There is no one else who can match their level of awesomeness.

• Prince o' Tea Sat Jan 7 16:33:30 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  I demanded to know why Hoppy was not in that poll. Gloria Tesch didn’t reply. Henry and Ramos should ditch the annoying Sue and do the Salsa Dance with each other.

• BettyCross Sat Jan 7 16:30:36 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Team Henry vs Team Rasmos… IT BEGINS! It’s already begun. A few months ago on Facebook, Gloria had a poll about who we all wanted to be Maya’s Maradonia boyfriend: Henry or Rasmos?

• BettyCross Sat Jan 7 16:28:58 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Count me in as a proud member of Team Apollyon. The next book in the series will be: Maradonia and Sleeping with the Enemy.

• Requiem Sat Jan 7 15:44:56 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Oh Fuck a Twilight reference, these books seem to bring out the sue in everyone.

• Fireshark Sat Jan 7 15:26:51 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Team Henry vs Team Rasmos… IT BEGINS!

• Prince o' Tea Sat Jan 7 14:31:12 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Dammit, I was about to say that. (cough cough Morgana cough cough). On the other hand Morgana seemed to be seemed to be extremely obsessively clingy from the beginning, so she took being dumped as well as most of us expected. Still… Maya is doing pretty much the same thing the strumpet Florie did in Seven Bridges… but it’s totally different because She’s The Heroine. She’s too Sutiful for that.

• Pryotra Sat Jan 7 08:19:38 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Cheating? How can it be cheating. It’s our sensitive and kind heroine doing it. Just you wait, Henry is going to turn out to be some kind of baby eating villian, just so that Maya is justified.

• Stellar Jetman Sat Jan 7 04:10:01 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  @Walkiry And as I said, apologies for the implication with Something Awful, guess I was the one who put baggage into that bit :) In all fairness, it was probably seeing it mentioned in the thread so soon after running into its ad that got me serious about writing the article in the first place. And don’t apologize for associating me with Something Awful; I love the site, as zealous as some of its members may be.

• Walkiry Sat Jan 7 03:31:07 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  “”“Yeah, there’s really no way that I can write another article on this. Sorry for any trouble, Walkiry.”“” Hey, no problem, and thanks, it’s been nice to be able to sort things out so quickly. And as I said, apologies for the implication with Something Awful, guess I was the one who put baggage into that bit :)

• Stellar Jetman Sat Jan 7 03:21:44 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  @Walkiry Erm, that’s quite the coincidence then, the SA thread and this post are separated by days after running the same ads for something like 2 1/2 months, with the same opening angle and the “time marches on” hook. My mistake then, apologies. It’s a coincidence. I’m following or catching up on almost 20 webcomics right now, which makes for a lot of Project Wonderful ads. Normally, I have my ad blocker on, so I don’t see them, but I turned it off to get an unrelated image to display and saw your ad too. You could say I do take …

• Walkiry Sat Jan 7 02:59:46 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  Erm, that’s quite the coincidence then, the SA thread and this post are separated by days after running the same ads for something like 2 1/2 months, with the same opening angle and the “time marches on” hook. My mistake then, apologies. I wonder if the ad sneaked into a brand new site in Project Wonderful at that time and that’s how I hit a new slice of people with it. Since those are the cheapest places to run ads (it’s all set up automatically, I have to scrub “troll” sites from time to time, but eh, it’s cheap). “”“I’ve seen serious …

• Stellar Jetman Sat Jan 7 02:36:20 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  @Walkiry Which goes back to the “on TvTropes” post I made, and what I meant. The Tropes are really fluff, and I don’t particularly try to hide it I think, so having much of the discussion hinge around good or bad use of tropes just struck me as… off, which I can only explain as carrying all the luggage of the SA thread. I didn’t get the idea from the Something Awful thread; I just saw the word “Troperrific” in a Project Wonderful ad and assumed the worst. I do follow the thread, though, so it was interesting to see it …

• Walkiry Sat Jan 7 02:10:00 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  The story itself is not entirely a joke, actually, so it’s not surprising it didn’t feel jokey enough for you. I guess one way to describe it is that I added all this as just a bit of fun window dressing, fun for me and I hoped a bit of fun for the reader too (guess it’s hit-or-miss, since believe it or not a few people I’ve shown the story to have found the out-of-medium parts to be a good bit of fun). If you shook the story to loosen them until they drop, the backbone of the whole thing …

• Stellar Jetman Sat Jan 7 01:53:48 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  @Walkiry I almost forgot to ask: how did you find out about the article so quickly?

• Stellar Jetman Sat Jan 7 01:46:24 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  @Walkiry I’m not mad. No, really, I’m not. Good. You’re already better than ~99% of the bad writers on the Internet. I’m honestly impressed that you came over here to respond to my article. It almost makes me feel bad for dumping on your story. The “focusing one only one aspect” is that it’s pretty much the one aspect that is, well, completely off. Much of this critique focus on the Tropes thing, which as I mentioned it was never played for anything more than some fun – it amuses me, it seems popular enough, and most people don’t take it very …

• Fireshark Sat Jan 7 01:38:32 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  Thanks, actually. I think it helps to better know what you were going for; perhaps the story just didn’t feel jokey enough for me to take certain bits correctly. I do think that, simply taken as a piece of written fiction, the story contains too many elements that don’t work in the format. If the story had been intended as a joke, I probably would have laughed my head off at the transformation scene and things like it. I think I took everything a bit more seriously than you meant it. I still don’t think it’s good, obviously. But if I …

• Walkiry Sat Jan 7 01:17:26 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  I’m not mad. No, really, I’m not. I’m not entertaining you either though, you’re doing a fine job at it yourselves. That’s what I meant shrug The “focusing one only one aspect” is that it’s pretty much the one aspect that is, well, completely off. Much of this critique focus on the Tropes thing, which as I mentioned it was never played for anything more than some fun – it amuses me, it seems popular enough, and most people don’t take it very seriously. Let’s see what else… Wall of text transformations? I explained it quite clearly – a joke on the Magical …

• Fireshark Sat Jan 7 01:16:32 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  Maybe that was a bit much, since I can still enjoy things that aren’t very well-written (Inheritance, etc). But the problems in his story definitely deserve criticism, which he should pay attention to.

• Fireshark Sat Jan 7 01:06:09 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  Lol, guys, look: http://www.acquadigaia.com/on-tvtropes He’s mad. I can smell it. Uses troll sense to scan post for meaning and anger He’s focusing entirely on one aspect of the article, while carefully ignoring everything else. A basic technique. I want a real response from him about writing technique, use of visual tropes in writing, and writing believable characters and dialogue. I also want to know why he writes wall’o‘text transformation sequences, and why he’s so bad at punctuation. Bottom line, he really wants us to be mad about one minor thing, so he won’t pay attention to the real criticism. He’s JUST ENTERTAINING US …

• Lord Bob Bree Sat Jan 7 00:48:41 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  “An almost audible click”? I get that Cheeto-Fingers was trying to evoke the imagery of a switch being flipped to parallel Ran’s sudden, inexplicable mood shift here, but he screws it up by saying that there’s a literal click that just isn’t loud enough for the characters to hear.bq. Clearly, she is a robot, and that click was the mechanism that switches her personality program. Everyone being a robot may or may not be an effective explanation for why all the characters act as they do.

• Karamazova Sat Jan 7 00:33:16 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  Lol, guys, look: http://www.acquadigaia.com/on-tvtropes

• Erin Sat Jan 7 00:24:05 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Kissy kissy time? Seriously? How old is Tesch again? Also, I guess cheating on Henry is ok because it’s our awesome heroine doing it. I’m not surprised that Rasmos thought she was beautiful even though she thought she looked like crap. It’s a typical thing in stories targeted at teen girls. The boy will think you are beautiful even though you think you’re lame and ugly, because the boy loves you and the amazing person you are on the inside and stuff. It has the potential to be kinda sweet, I suppose. Except Maya and Rasmos scarcely know each other …

• Fireshark Fri Jan 6 22:38:44 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  I flipped forward a few chapters, and there’s an overlong wall of text for a transformation sequence, written in dreadful prose. Written transformation sequences? Pink hair? What next, are her eyes taller than they are wide, too? Does she move at about 10 frames per second? Seriously, anime is a medium, not a genre. These visual tropes have no point in written fiction. I rarely criticize dialogue, but this is horrible. It really does look like horrible subtitles. But moooom,” she continued in her special I’m about to have a freak out complaining voice, “it’s green and khaki and grey everywhere, even dad …

• Stellar Jetman Fri Jan 6 22:21:35 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  Sorry about the technical difficulties, everyone; the article wouldn’t post from my computer, so I had to send it to SlyShy for him to post, delete it because stupid stuff happened to the formatting that I couldn’t fix, then re-send it to him. He then waited a day to post it in order to avoid having a glut of new articles on the site. But all of that’s been taken care of now, and everything should go much more smoothly from this point.

• swenson Fri Jan 6 22:19:32 2012 (Acqua di Gaia: A Troperrific Online Serial Novel! (Part 1))

  Well, now, this should be interesting. settles in

• Prince o' Tea Fri Jan 6 21:28:40 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  “And he’ll need both the Tyronian and the Karthaginian army to rescue Krimmy from the pirate Geierky.” Unless of course someone more attractive comes along and Joey abandons Krimmy and her Goldie Cape to a lifetime of slavery.

• Pryotra Fri Jan 6 19:47:44 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  “I am King Joey of Tyronia,” he declared, “and I am your new military commander in the war against the Empire of Evil.” (page 151) That is actually quite terrifying. I can’t think of anything that the Club of Evil said that was in any ways this nightmarish. This romance plot is probably one of the worst written ones I’ve ever seen. Maya has the affection of a fish. Then again, Joey while all starry eyed over that mermaid chick (I still can’t figure out how that would have even worked) until Krimmey and her…magic hair…flounced in front of him. Now I …

• LoneWolf Fri Jan 6 19:38:20 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  Gloria Tesch once more demonstrates her Unique Versatility as a truly multi-faceted author. Not only she writes about the amazing adventures Maya and Joey have in the ‘Land of Maradonia’, and about the ‘Evil Empire’, but she also proves herself to be a romance author who is astonishing and indeed outstanding. Rarely such talents as Gloria Tesch, author of the Maradonia-Saga appear in our times. We should all Cherish, Respect and Admire someone so young, yet so proficient and able.

• Pryotra Fri Jan 6 19:30:22 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 5: Her Physical Gifts)

  Hi there! I just finished reading this entire sporking. Her writing really comforts me when I look at my outlines and think what crap I’m writing. I realize that even at my worst, I mention glittery air or something. Oh, by the way, that quote thing at the beginning about people sitting in darkness and seeing a light is taken (badly) from a Catholic prayer at Easter. I recognize it. It’s also said in an Eastern Orthodox Easter prayer. Figures that Glo couldn’t come up with anything original. Though I suppose she’s branching out in her plagiarism…

• Zurvan Fri Jan 6 17:57:02 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  In my humble opinion, that romance-subplot is the most embarassing part of Maradonia III as of yet.

• Emma Fri Jan 6 16:27:08 2012 ("You Slay Me" Spork - Chapter 12 Part 1)

  @ Arska You forgot Scaphism! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scaphism

• Gante Fri Jan 6 15:29:32 2012 (On Raptors)

  As smart as German Shepherds! Animals are always surprising me with their intelligence. Are eagles smarter than crows?

• Kurt Fri Jan 6 14:28:55 2012 (Law of Blood Spork Pt. 6: Kissy Kissy Time)

  I wonder if tesch will pull a stephen king and actually show up in the maradonia universe as herself. That would be hilarious. According to that one newspaper article, Maya is already based on Gloria herself. If the book had two Tesch avatars, it would explode from the pressure of two huge egos clashing. Joey may have some prior battle experience but never in commanding armies. The only way I can think of a fifteen year old ever being worthy of being a strategist would demand scholarly knowledge on military history from the greatest commanders such as Julius Caeser, Zhuge Liang, Sun …