So, this was one of the scenes that my friends could no longer endure and actually laugghed very loudly at, to the annoyance of the Twi-hards around us. Then my friend and I had a lengthy discussion after about how this sets women back about fifty years, and men back about forty.

Women are treated like property and are happy about it, and men are supposed to be robots who look like greek gods (who were all in-bred twits, btw).

yay SMeyer.

By Corsair
on Nov 23, 10:30 PM

Actually, he’s like solid marble, which makes him more vulnerable to powerful weapons. Barret .50 to the chest would shatter him.

By Rhaego
on Nov 23, 10:34 PM

Pfsht, cause the rest of the book is soooo grounded in the realm of reality.

By Corsair
on Nov 23, 10:36 PM

I’ve never seen anyone’s objections about reality stop an armor-piercing bullet.

By Rhaego
on Nov 23, 10:38 PM

Haha, I wondered about that as well. How high does their bullet-proof threshhold go?

By Corsair
on Nov 23, 10:53 PM

Typically, the problem with Vampires when it came to bullets wasn’t that you couldn’t harm them with it, it was that getting shot didn’t do much – what’s a half-inch hole going to do to a corpse?

By Hedwig Widrig
on Nov 23, 10:54 PM

So what’s special about silver? And wooden stakes?

By Corsair
on Nov 23, 10:58 PM

Wooden Stake through the heart either kills the Vampire or paralyzes it, unless you’re stoned and reading Anne Rice novels. It has to do with stopping blood flow and tying the Vampire back to the Earth it lay on.

Silver, on the other hand, is apocrypha.

By Rhaego
on Nov 23, 11:01 PM

True, true. I am personally a fan of the Nuclear Plan.

You know, where the only thing that can kill a vamp is a nuclear mutant that was a vampire before exposure to ha-yooge amounts of radiation.

By Corsair
on Nov 23, 11:10 PM

To be safe, in the event of Vampires, begin the process with a long-range shot to the base of the neck. If properly aimed, this will sever the spine and spinal cord, hopefully preventing them from moving much until the damage is recovered. Continue by blowing out both kneecaps and a shot to the cranium. At this point, the Vampire should be helpless. Then approach and fire six twelve-gauge shotgun blasts into the face and chest. Shackle the Vampire’s arms and legs, then take a wooden stake and mallet and drive your stake through the ribcage and into the heart. Be precise. Take an axe and sever the head, then, being VERY Careful (Wear gloves) stuff the mouth with garlic. Chop the Vampire into at least five pieces and load it into a truck and haul it to an incinerator. Burn it until it is ashes, then scatter the ashes over holy ground.

By Rhaego
on Nov 23, 11:16 PM

WOW! That is a super-kill. That thing is so dead, its children just exploded.

By Corsair
on Nov 23, 11:27 PM

We don’t yet have the technology to sterilize the region from orbit, so this is the only way to be sure.

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 23, 11:37 PM

Rather a time-consuming process, methinks.

By the way, I never understood how Edward managed to father a kid if he’s a corpse.

By Rhaego
on Nov 23, 11:39 PM

Pfsht, it was obviously his great love for Bella, Queen. duh!

By Corsair
on Nov 23, 11:52 PM

He didn’t. The child isn’t Edward’s.

By Rhaego
on Nov 23, 11:56 PM

Haha, how much of a plot twist would that have been?

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 24, 12:00 AM

Whose, then? Would have been even weirder if the child was Jacob’s. Seeing Edward flip out about it would be freakin’ hilarious.

Oh, but then, Jake imprints on the baby, doesn’t he?

Never mind then.

By Corsair
on Nov 24, 12:30 AM

That’s not necessarily a limitation. It’s not like the whole imprinting thing isn’t already creepy.

By Kitty
on Nov 24, 12:40 AM

Pretty much every picture I’ve put on here has degenerated to offtopicosity.

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 24, 01:40 AM

Hey, think of it as a compliment!

By Kitty
on Nov 24, 02:02 PM

Ahaha, no.

By Artimaeus
on Nov 24, 10:41 PM

Well, how many times do we need to say that Edward is a creepy stalker? How many times must we point out how shallow Bella is regarding her sparkly stalker. “It’s ok because he’s pretty.”

Anyway, on an unrelated topic, what do you think it would be like if SM had switched the gender rolls? Like made the protagonist an insecure boy and the love interest a dazzlingly beautiful vampire woman. How long would people put up with passages like this? “I noticed her beautiful, flawless breasts from across the room, and I could barely catch my breath. I tried to draw my eyes upward and focus on the teacher, but my eyes were irrevocably drawn to her sculpted bust. Her lips were flawless. Her eyes were the color of liquid gold and I thought I saw her glance at me, her eyes smoldering seductively. No way. I was imagining things. Guys like me don’t deserve women that perfect.”

Any male author describing a woman the way SMeyer describes Edward would be swiftly (and rightfully) condemned as a sexist pig. Granted, objectifying men probably isn’t as bad as making her lead lady a spineless doormat, but still. Just something to think about.

By Rhaego
on Nov 24, 10:44 PM

I thought about this too. I came to pretty much the same conclusion.

I think the whole series would have been better if James had killed Bella after a book of making the reader really care about her. Then it would have switched to Ed’s POV in the second, with the inclusion of the wolves, and they would have hunted him down or somesuch.

By Kitty
on Nov 24, 11:04 PM

Well, how many times do we need to say that Edward is a creepy stalker? How many times must we point out how shallow Bella is regarding her sparkly stalker. “It’s ok because he’s pretty.”

This was just supposed to be pointless amusement, not a probe into Edward and Bella’s characters.

By DrAlligator
on Nov 25, 06:16 AM

Someone has to tell me what’s going on in this scene. It’s hilarious. :D

And I agree, no guy would’ve been able to write about a girl the way Edward is written of without being called a sexist pig… unfortunate.

By Virgil
on Nov 25, 09:40 AM

I’d rather read the spineless guy with hawt vampire girl than the crap we have, it would at least be enjoyable. But I wonder if we’d have rabid fanboys.. hm..

By Corsair
on Nov 25, 11:13 AM

No. Come on, the book would have to be written as a Romance/Comedy, not a Romance/Horror. You don’t get Rabid Fanboys on humor works.

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 25, 02:19 PM

@ Dr. Alligator:

Basically, it’s just Edward (the vampire) watching Bella as she sleeps, because apparently he’s got nothing better left to do.

I can’t imagine it would be very interesting, just watching someone lie there. But then again, she ‘moans Edward’s name’ or whatever. So maybe interesting in a disturbing sort of way.

Thus making up the ‘stalker’ part of ‘stalker-abuser’.

By DrAlligator
on Nov 25, 03:02 PM

Eugh, what the hell. Ok, I can understand, if a loved one is sleeping in your arms, you’ll get that sense of calm and peace and can’t help smiling when you look down.

…But that’s not the case. Jeez. I mean. I’d understand if Bella goes to bed in lingerie – and on mid summer’s night not even that – that Edward would just have to take a peak.

…but… it’s not even that…

What the fuck sort of romance is SMeyer promoting?

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 25, 03:17 PM

‘What the fuck sort of romance is SMeyer promoting?’

Exactly my question.

By Rand
on Nov 25, 05:59 PM

I’ve got a question of delicate nature…
If all the vamps freak out when Bella gets a papercut, how come nothing happens when she gets her…em… monthly curse?

I think it points out to a severe lack of detail attention. As if that wasn’t clear enough already!

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 25, 06:04 PM

People discussed this point on Y!A a lot. The fans said that it’s ‘dead blood’ and therefore not appetizing to the vampires.

That’s what they said, at least.

By Rand
on Nov 25, 09:36 PM

Excuse me. All blood is ‘alive’. Wot the heck. I’d assume dead things appeal to the undead people anyway.

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 25, 10:16 PM

Hey, I didn’t say this, the fangirls did!

By Corsair
on Nov 25, 11:16 PM

This has been discussed previously. Isn’t that not actually blood but uterine lining or something like that?

By Corsair
on Nov 26, 01:10 AM

Wow. I can’t believe I actually got that right.

Did Meyer say the ‘Dead Blood’ thing, or was that just a Fan wank?

It’s also possible that Meyerian Vampires are vulnerable to ‘Dead Man’s Blood’, and that menstrual fluid and the blood within works as that. Thus, they don’t start a Killfrenzy when it happens.

By Corsair
on Nov 26, 01:21 AM

This is Vampires we’re talking about here, they’re already the living personification of hematolagnia. Drinking menstrual blood probably wouldn’t disgust them.

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 26, 01:22 AM

Urgh, yeah, you got that right.

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 26, 01:23 AM

(I meant about not wanting to drink menstrual blood. Then again, I can’t say anything for the tastes of a fictional species)

By Corsair
on Nov 26, 01:28 AM

Yeah, I figure that it’s got to be pretty nasty, but I’m not a wannabe Vampire, so meh. Incidentally, there’s a surprising number of named psychological conditions for this.

By Artimaeus
on Nov 26, 11:33 AM

Well, you know what lesbian vampires say when they’re done having sex?

“See you next month”

By Corsair
on Nov 26, 03:10 PM

Fascinating.

The Dead Blood thing does kind of make sense actually, it would explain why Meyerian Vamps don’t just rob Blood Banks and the Red Cross and such.

By Snow White Queen
on Nov 26, 03:24 PM

Although, that WOULD be interesting.

By Corsair
on Nov 27, 02:14 PM

Nessie’s a Dhampir. Different rules.

By Rhaego
on Nov 27, 04:16 PM

Alright, I’ll bite. What are the rules for Dhampir?

By Corsair
on Nov 27, 04:30 PM

Who knows? Typically, Dhampirs are Daywalkers, but Vampires in Twilight don’t have any problem with that.

By Zahano
on Dec 10, 11:04 PM

Dhampirs are half-vampire, half-human. They usually get all the vampire superpowers without the need to hide from daylight, garlic, silver, etc.

They also tend to be the ones who kill vampires, e.g. in video games like BloodRayne or DarkStalkers.

By Mumbling Sage
on Dec 16, 09:43 PM

He might be creepy, but your doodle!Edward is acutally quite cute.

By Snow White Queen
on Dec 16, 11:03 PM

I give the credit to Kitty’s Paint skills…

By SlyShy
on Dec 16, 11:08 PM

It might be Photoshop, but the point remains, Kitty has skills.

By Snow White Queen
on Dec 16, 11:46 PM

But didn’t Kitty do other submissions on Paint? Whatever. It’s still cool, and way beyond what I would ever be able to do.

(I know a girl who can do amazing anime on Paint, but that’s WAY beyond my skill level. Maybe on a good day I’ll be able to draw a second-grade equivalent of a tree.)

By Polydipsia_NB
on Jan 9, 12:14 AM

Edward was a creepy, arrogant stalker, but you made him soooo cute and the picture is wonderful!!!

I am writing a story about vampires with a huge twist, I also go into deep scientific stuff about half breeds etc etc

you can add me on Myspace, I looooooove Twilight

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All Men Should Strive To Be More Like Edward

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