Written by Falconempress. Posted on Jul 7, 01:26 PM.

"You Slay Me" Spork - Chapter 18

The Venediger’s second is dead. Long live the…eh, Venediger’s second?

What is the social conduct when somebody’s second dies?

Ah, nevermind.

Perdita is dead, Ophelia fainted. Drake arrives at the club. He and Fiat (snicker) exchange words, but it all has to be Mysterious ™, so we don’t hear any of their conversation.

Assling revives Ophelia, who promptly loses it and throws a hysterical fit accusing Drake of the murders before bursting into tears.

Assling asks the two dragons whether they killed Perdita.

Really? She just asks? What does she expect? And honest, truthful answer? „Yes, I was the one who killed all those people“ with their eyes focused on the tips of their shoes in a guilty manner, murmuring under their nose like little kids just being scolded?

She only gets vague, cryptic answers like “I didn’t kill Perdita any more than I killed the Dead Woman From Chapter One and the Venediger“, which pisses of Assling and it’s her turn to throw a fit:

I stood up and yelled at the top of my lungs, “WHY CAN’T ANY OF YOU DRAGONS ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION WHEN IT’S ASKED?”

Which is actually a sentiment I can agree with. But what follows is this:

I’ll be the first one to admit that I might have been showing a wee bit of stress what with people trying to kidnap me, and arrest me for murder, and steal things from me, but is that any reason for Drake to march over and slap me as if I were hysterical?

HAHAHAHA! Keepin’ that pimp hand strong, Drake!

Assling gets even more pissed and punches Drake in the nose, only to be dragged away by Fiat (snicker) who tells her to run. Angry that the bitch is showing him disrespect, Drake roars so fiercely, the windows in the office shatter. Why aren’t everybody’s ears bleeding as well I have no idea, but I guess physics is too busy being raped behind a garden shed and trying to convince itself it actually likes it. Assling runs to the Venediger’s office and locks the door, only for Drake to bust right through it literally five seconds later. And all of that just because she wants a straightforward, honest answer.

That is the perfect man right there, girls.

It took him all of five seconds to kick it open. I backed away as he stalked into the room, pausing only to close the door behind him.

True love, ladies and gentlemen. True love.

I wonder how this is going to continue.

“Look,” I said, my hands up in self-protection stance number seven. “I know you’re a bit pissed right now, but—”

He was on me before I could even scream.

…
…
…

So…wrong. On so many levels.

One second he was at the door; the next he was fifteen feet across the room, dragging me up against his chest. For one brilliant, crystalline moment in time, I stared deep into Drake’s eyes and beheld the dragon within.

My resistance melted into a river of passion.

What? WHAT?!

I opened my mouth to remind him that he couldn’t kill me without killing himself, but it wasn’t death Drake had on his mind. He slammed his mouth against mine, his tongue not waiting for an invitation to come visiting; it just shoved its way into my mouth and took immediate possession, stroking, teasing, tasting every last square inch of my mouth, forcing me to submit. I fought him, not because I wasn’t suddenly just as aroused and filled with desire as he was, but because I wanted him to know right from the start I would never again submit.

Hey kids! Rape is fun!

Oh somebody please shoot me. Where is my… nooo, even the moonshine is gooone!

What is that under the table? Bleach? Is that bleach?

MAHAHA! Now you’re mine!

drinks

But seriously, this is so stupid I have no words for it. The second he sees Assling, Drake goes into caveman mode, with the only thing his brain is able to process being “a woman. Course of action? Fuck.“ It’s a wonder he does not grab her by the hair and drag her into that room. Has MacAlister never seen two people of opposite sexes interact? What the fuck is wrong with this woman?

“You can woo me,” I said against his lips as I grabbed the front of his dark green shirt, literally ripping it right off his body. “You can court me, you can seduce me, but you will never force me into submission again. What happened in the dream was a fantasy, a figment of our imaginations. This is real, and on my terms.”

She is calling the dream they both acknowledged as reality a fantasy again? WHAT? And yeah, giving in when the guy who just slaps you comes CRASHING THROUGHT THE FUCKING DOOR and literally forces himself on you is totally not submitting to anything and doing things on your own terms. Riiight.

WHY DOES NOTHING IN THIS BOOK MAKE SENSE?! And where did I put that bleach?

Oh, what do you know, it’s right here. In my hand.

giggles

Whatever happens with Assling and Drake, when they just found a dead body hanging just in the adjacent room, a body of a woman Drake used to sleep with and was therefore not completely indifferent towards? Right after they have partaken in some physical abuse? Well, given the history these two have the latter should have given you a clue.

They have sex.

More soul – scarring sex, just what the doctor ordered. Speaking of doctors, where are my pills? There you are, my pretty happy pink and blue tablets of joy.

And in case you are curious, Assling, who JUST said she was not going to submit and that if they were to bump uglies again, it is to be on her terms, is perfectly okay with Drake, a man who JUST bitchslapped her, nailing her standing up, pinned against a wall.

This just screams “on my own terms“, doesn’t it?

Oh and during the exchange of bodily fluids we get lines like this:

“You’re mine,” he ground out through clenched teeth, ***********************.

“Not even close. You, however are mine, mine, mine.” I grabbed his hair and arched myself against him, desperate to feel his **************************as I ******************************************with his****************************************.

There are people right outside the door. Listening to this.

“Mine,” he snarled as he ************************my ******************************************************* and took the ************************************ to ************************************************ grabbed so fiercely I ********************************************************** and *************************.

Aw come on, you didn’t seriously expect me to quote that? As if I could. But the conversation just ends there. Drake establishes his possession of Assling and she says nothing to it, no objections or corrections, they just leave it at that.

So much for “I shall not submit again“.

“We are sick people,” I said later, after breath had returned to my lungs and reason to my mind.

Oh stop calling your own bullshit, MacAlister, that is my job!

“What else would you call having this sort of a reaction to finding a dead body?”

His eyes were hot, remnants of his dragon fire still visible as his gaze licked down my body. “I would call it fated. It was inevitable that we would mate again.”

Like when you “mated“ with that poor woman who is hanging dead from the ceiling JUST DOWN THE HALL? Was that “fated“ as well?

He retrieved the shirt I had torn off him, giving it an odd look. Luckily only a few of the buttons were ripped off. “I take it this means you love me.”

I goggled at him, a good old-fashioned “What the hell are you talking about?” goggle. “Not even close, dragon boy!”

Uhm, didn’t Assling say a few chapters back that she is not a tramp who sleeps with every guy who is not so ugly that it makes her faint? That she only partakes in carnal activities with the men she cares about?

Whatever is this mysterious “consistency“ thing you speak of supposed to be? “Character building”? Why, I never heard of any of those before.

Or maybe Assling really is just a whore and I should not worry about it.

“You said you engage in sex only with men you love. You refused me in the last dream. Thus, you must now be in love with me.”

AH – HA! Even the man you just had sex with is calling your bullshit! I want to see you get out of this one!

grabs popcorn

Om nom nom nom

My face flushed as I adjusted my upper story, which had been dislodged in his quest for gold. “What happened a few minutes ago was an exception to the rule.

Oh yeah, and this is different from all the other exceptions to the rule how? Burn her! Burn the hypocrite! BURNNNN!

It was purely a physical reaction to the stress of finding Perdita’s body. Life asserting itself in the face of death and all that. I’m sure psychiatrists have a name for it.”

Oh yes, psychiatrists do have a name for it. Although it may not be what you think it is.

Drake slipped into his shirt. “So do I—desire. It had nothing to do with Perdita and everything to do with our bond.”

Which bond? The one you just had with Assling or the one you were having with Perdita before Assling came along?

I touched the side area on my collarbone he had kissed. It was the same spot he had burned in my first dream. The skin was tender, very tender. I tried to look down at myself, but the sore spot was up too high to see. I glared at him as he tucked his shirt into his pants. “What did you do to me, bite me? Are you part vampire, too?”

stares blankly

Yes. Because that’s what this book has been missing this whole time. Vampires. And I just quit smoking, dammit.

“We mated. I marked you. It wasn’t a bite.”

“The ho is mine.”

“You marked me like I was your laundry? Or a cow you’d brand? That sort of a mark? Oh, my God, you did mark me! Ow! It hurts!”

BAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, Assling. Oh dear stupid, horny Assling. If only you could keep your legs together, you could have been on a plane, heading home, long, long ago.

You know, this is actually perfect – she has no passport, no money. She pretty much knows only him. And now she is marked as his bitch in more ways than one.

Send her off to streets, Drake! She ain’t eating your food for free!

He took the mirror from me, gently touching the burn that stood out on the right side of my collarbone. It was curved-edged triangle with a line twisted around the three sides, a symbol that bore an enormous resemblance to the curved dragon’s tail on my aquamanile.

That’s an awfully elaborate pattern for something that one would get from a burn. But at least Assling now has a super – speshul marking.

snicker snicker

I wish I could stop all the “Drake is Assling’s pimp now“ jokes that keep pouring into my head, but I just can’t.

Assling is pissed and they go outside, where all dragons know what has happened right away and smirk at Assling like jackasses. But there is also Ophelia, still crying because her only sister is dead and two nasty, nasty people with no regard for the feelings of others just had obnoxiously loud sex right next door from where her twin’s body is hanging.

I went to Ophelia and put my arm around her. “You OK?”

Holy crap! Look at the balls on this woman! She was just done batter dipping the corn dog with the man who dumped Ophelia’s at the moment very dead sister, who used to be his, er, bed mate before her – and she goes to console Ophelia with her cheeks still blushing from the oil check that just transgressed!

Her cheeks were still wet, and her chin quivered, but she managed a nod. She plucked at my sleeve, her eyes filled with pain. “Please, Aisling, don’t let him get away with this. Don’t let him kill anyone else.”

Are you blind, deaf, or just stupid? Why was this published? Why does this exist? WHYYYYYY?

But there are more pressing matters to attend to. For example – what to do with the body? The dragons decide not to inform the police and settle the whole matter within the community. Assling does not like it, however, and demands that they go to the cops. But we can’t stay on this topic much longer, for there are much more pressing issues to discuss.

Like Assling’s and Drakes sex life.

headdesk

How long have we gone without the universe turning about fornication? Five seconds? Six?

Fiat (snicker) notices the mark on Assling.

“I am not surprised that you were in the other room mating with Drake—it is the way of dragons to seek their mate in times of strong emotions. I am merely surprised that you had not done so before this. If I had known that you had not yet mated with him when you were in my apartment, I would have been doubly careful that you not escape me.”

YES I GET IT ASSLING IS SO PERFECT EVERYBODY WANTS HER STOP WRITING WORDS

Back to more relevant stuff we go.

The dragons agree that Assling has a point, because of course, since she is so smart and wonderful, and decide to store Perdita’s body in a butcher shop Drake owns, since it’s summer and they don’t want her to start decomposing and become a maggot – ridden slab of smelly meat. They discuss this with her twin sister in the room.

These guys are just so sympathetic with somebody else’s crippling pain.

Afterwards Assling takes Ophelia aside for some “girl talk“.

Ugh. Spare me.

Assling needs help wording her official challenge to Drake, so they put it together.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” a familiar voice came from the vicinity of Ophelia’s lap when I returned and approached the table where she was sitting. “Hey! That’s a dragon’s mating mark on your chest. You didn’t wait for me before you did the nasty with Drake?”

And oh yay, it’s Jim, he’s back. Miss him, didn’t you? He smells like a dumpster because he was hiding in one and ate some trash as well. Which is supposed to be hilarious because he is a dog. Get it? GET IT?

I don’t care enough to even get mad.

Turns out the twins knew Jim was a demon all along, but since Assling seemed so fond of him, they didn’t say anything.

Yes. A creature towards whose very existence they are opposed on a principle and an apparently very deep religious belief they tolerated in their home because sending him away would make Assling sadfaec.

I have no words.

Assling goes to issue her official challenge. When she introduces herself, people gasp at her very name. Why, of course. She is the center of the universe, after all. She reads her challenge, there is more gasping, Drake agrees and there is even more gasping and I am so sick and tired of this whole thing I just want to throw a bottle at her fucking face.

Afterwards Jim and Assling talk about how she will never be able to beat Drake, but she says it’s okay because she won’t need to. Because she believes Drake is innocent.

Again.

Chapter over. And the book is almost done as well. Praise Dagon.

Thank you for reading (seriously),

falconempress

Tagged as Falconempress, Paranormal Romance, Spork, You Slay Me.

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