As If
The commander gazed at the fighter, as if gauging its strengths and weaknesses.
There isn’t a soft way to introduce this, so I’ll just dive in. ‘As if’ is not a narrative tool, it is a tool to describe the perspective of a character. In the simple situation above, one can tell the commander is actually gauging the fighter’s strengths and weaknesses. So there isn’t a point in having the ‘as if’, it breaks flow and causes some confusion. This reads better:
The commander gazed at the fighter, gauging its strengths and weaknesses.
Now everything is cleared up, and we know what the commander is doing.
There is, however, very appropriate usage of ‘as if’. Most situations involve dramatic irony, where the audience knows something the characters don’t. The ‘as if’ is used to describe what the POV character is assuming about another character. Now the audience knows what is going on in both characters’ minds. If the audience is not supposed to know, then the ‘as if’ blows the subtlety, and the point is for us to find out later.
Otherwise, that’s it. It’s simple, but I do see authors using it improperly, and it gets annoying at times.
Tagged as Writing, Writing Tips.Comment
By sansafro187
on Aug 14, 01:14 AM
Yeah, I catch myself using it way too much. I think it can be excused to some extent when you’ve got a clearly locked PoV, and said PoV is only guessing at the actions of others, but too often it’s just wishy-washy language that doesn’t add anything.
By Virgil
on Aug 14, 01:33 AM
Agreed, but most often it is used annoyingly wrong.
By Snow White Queen
on Aug 14, 02:42 AM
Oops. I use this a lot. Thanks for the heads up…when I edit, I’ll fix it.
By Steph Cullen-Masen-McCarthy-Hale-Whitlock-Pattinson-Shadeslayer
on Aug 14, 05:25 AM
Good one. I hereby defy this comment thread to go off-topic.
By swenson
on Aug 14, 08:13 AM
Steph, you forgot “-Stewart-Swan” in your name. Un-defied.
Short article, but a good one about a basic thing people need to remember in writing- an example or two of the right way to use it, though, might be nice. Moar short articles on basic annoying things in writing would be good, maybe I should write one.
By Jeni
on Aug 14, 09:09 AM
Short ‘n’ sweet. Luvverly, although as swenson said, a right way example would make the article more complete.
By Virgil
on Aug 14, 09:15 AM
Admittedly I was going to, but I didn’t really think of a really good way to do it, so I left it out.
By Puppet
on Aug 14, 03:03 PM
Short and simple. :D
By SMARTALIENQT
on Aug 14, 04:00 PM
Admittedly I was going to, but I didn’t really think of a really good way to do it, so I left it out.
The animal glared at the human, as if saying “This is all your fault!”
Would that work?
Nice and short. Great job, Virgil.
By Virgil
on Aug 14, 04:50 PM
Good example QT, and thanks.
By Snow White Queen
on Aug 14, 06:06 PM
So that’s a good example? Noted.
By Steph Cullen-Masen-McCarthy-Hale-Whitlock-Pattinson-Shadeslayer
on Aug 17, 10:09 PM
Steph, you forgot “-Stewart-Swan” in your name.
I can’t marry Kristen Stewart and Bella Swan cause I’m a girl.
By fffan
on May 29, 11:16 PM
Hmmm… I guess this means “seems to” is off the agenda too.